Men like numbers.  How many? what size? how long? how fast?  Lists of top ten totty, five favourite positions, three fantasy threesomes. The first time, the last time, the hundredth time. All of this serves as a spurious lead-in for some of my numbers (blame Nick Clegg and today's G2).

First time? December 1983 - aged 19 (a late developer)

How many? It sort of depends on what we're counting.  Slept with? Well I only slept with three, since most of the sex has been in the daytime.  Got butt naked with? Over 20 probably. It would be more but sometimes they kept their boots on.  Had sexual congress with?  Well as Bill Clinton might say, what is sex?  Sometimes sex involved oral only.  Sometimes just mutual masturbation. Precision is difficult here as its not like I kept contemporaneous notes.  But I guess the total is over 30.  Which is pretty shocking.  Maybe I'm an addict. 

How many did I tongue? All of them I think. Well near as dammit.

How many swallowed? More than five, less than ten, all I enjoyed!

Anal? Only once.

Maximum number of orgasms in one night. Seven.  In one hour? Four.

But in an amongst all this debauchery I've only loved four women, and I wrote about that a while back.

But now the only numbers that matter are: 10 (April), 8 (days to go), 1 (there is only one Bardot). And the numbers that follow that may not be for public consumption.